parking lot thoughts....

So im sitting in a parking lot in commack, trying to shhake my head off my shoulders so I can get past these mental hurdles that for some reason I cannot shake. Well that's not true entirely. I know why I can't shake em, its just hard to do sometimes when you find yourself too afraid to drop to your knees and beg, pray, ask, demand or whatever it is. Fear of rejection, fear of pride, fear of lowering a self installed gate enough to venture outside of a comfortable estate you've grown to know. well anyway, i sit. As i do so i light up a smokke knowing today has to be the last day i continue with this awful habit i thought i shaked twice already. So i roll down my window just enough to let the smoke out, no more. I throw on some good tunes that fit my mood by i am kloot. Right as my brain begins to rattle even further down a road ive come to call my way home something small sneaks its way into the half an inch of an opening my window leaves to the outside. I dont knwo what to call it. The only thing i know it as is those things that come of trees you open and put on your nose, or helicopters.
You know i was reading through some of my writings the other night and noticed i say... "You know its funny" a lot i usually say it as i go off on something i think to be profound or something ive put out there for someone imparticular to read in hopes theyll change their mind. Though i am going to try to stop saying that. Its not funny... It is the way things need to be. See that little thing that fell on my lap stopped my brain in its tracks like a train coming to a screaming hault as the conductor notices a woman tied to the tracks that the movie hero needs to rescue. I remember being a child and finding the humor in my father placing these things on his nose and making a funny face. And recently i got the chance to place that same smile on my little girls face as we sat in a back yard and i found them. She grabbed as many as she could and kept telling me to put them on