When will they develop button technology that understands a sense of urgency?

can't wait to go back to bed tonight

Therapy for real life.....

You know sometimes you sit and think you have everything figured out. I mean, at least I do sometimes. Things look clear at moments. I don't know what the difference is between the moments they do and the moments things look blurry and fuzzy. For a long time I thought it was drugs, or booze that made them cloudy. Then I thought it was women, well I'm not giving up on that one yet, but I know there's more. I find myself opening up to random strangers while I'm in their homes talking about pieces of my life and getting different outlooks. It's fun, I can pretend there too. I can still say I'm married. I can say I have a house. I can say my Jeep doesn't suck. I can pretend that I have it figured out. Sometimes I do it all. I talk about my "wife" like she lives with me. I say things like "WE took my daughter out to...." or "WE did..." Other times I leave it up to them, I may mention my daughter and speak about her for whatever reason, and then let them figure it out. I guess I just like to feel like somewhere something makes sense. Even if it's in my own little world. Though, there are also times when you find a person that you didn't expect to. The otherday i got to spend time with someone at first seemed to be a total dickwad, and kinda was. Though, I think somewhere in the past months of drugs, being home all the time, having to rely on strangers to do petty little tasks like cut his tofu, and radiation therapy ( yeah he had cancer ) he was humbled. He sat back at one point while I was installing something or other, and just watched his 12 year old son sleep. I caught him a few times just looking over in his direction. Wondering, how many more times he was going to be able to get a chance to do that. He even turned the TV off at one point and just looked up at the ceiling for a good 10 minutes. Now, yeah he could have been high on some legal form of dope, but I'd like to think for my own little story, he was pondering what's next, or at least looking at right now, or just then. It, for me, was also humbling. I got a chance to read something he wrote as well. He asked me to read it, I'm not sure why, but he specifically pointed this document out and said make sure there is NOTHING wrong with this one. So I did. Over a year ago was the first time I cried in someone's home, out of pure frustration over my life being in a pretty sad state, and wanting to change it but not being able to because I was stuck in a closet of some rich hamptons home routing wires in a wall. I swore it would never happen again. Well, I'm a dick and it did. I sat here and read this mans letter to his daughter about how he spoke about his ex wife, ( yep, he was going through getting divorced too ) It was amazing looking at all the little things that seemed to not matter anymore to him. It was amazing to look at what it was this man held, close to his heart enough to write a letter to his daughter basically telling her how he was about to die, but he loved her. Things weren't her fault. She was beautiful. How his (ex)wife was a good person, no matter how many bad things he said about her during the split. How he wouldn't want to change anything. And then, I read this, "... I would however, change being away from you guys. ( he had a few kids ) The problems that exsisted between your mother and I, could have easily been addressed if we put what was important infront of us, you three. I am sorry that we did not" I do not know how I kept my head screwed on straight at that point. It went in so many ways, it went to just leaving right then and there, fuck my job, and running to Kerri and dropping to a knee and asking her to forgive me again. It went to running to my daughter and giving her the most amazing hug and telling her I am never leaving her side again no matter what. It went to giving this guy the biggest hug and telling him if i didn't have a kid i'd die for him, so he could fix it all. It was a shock. See I write often about how my life is wonderful and how splendid things are. Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful, I have an amazing daughter. I have a wonderful family that has put up with my emotional ups and downs. I had a great wife, whom well, is still in my life but as of right now just the mother of my child, and that alone is all one can ask for, that your child has a great mom, if you get to have that part of her in your life, great, but if you can't, you take what you can i guess. I guess what I am trying to say here is that, I always sit back and write about how life is a gift, how things are important, how you need to get up and do something with your life. How too many people are sitting around reading THIS instead of going to the one they love and telling them so. Too many people don't take risks in their lives. They sit on their hands and wonder whats coming next instead of trying to find out themselves. Too many people sit back in an easy chair, and grab a remote. Too many people don't spend enough damn time with thier kids. Though, until the other day, I didn't realize just how precious every single fucking moment really really is. Fact of the matter is I haven't been doing it myself. I've been looking at the past, trying to get things back to the way they were. I don't know if that's the right thing to do. Things were great then. They had some shit but they weren't all bad. Though years have past now, and they'll never be that again. They could be close, which is honestly what I'm rooting for, but they will never be the same. I just know, that going forward, I am going to make an effort to live each moment intentionally. Each moment for a purpose. Each moment with vibrant energy. YES! That means some times it's going to be glowing with love and passion, and pure dopeness. It also means sometimes there is going to be very vivid colors of anger and sadness and heartache. You know what though? If I find out that I have cancer in a year or five. I will be able to say, i fucking LIVED. I hiked up my little skirt and did it. So if it means getting my heart broken a thousand times over from the same woman, break it! If it means standing up and screaming out things I truly believe in, cover your ears! If it means I'm going to fall a few times before I get something right, don't catch me. I got this one! 
So, as I sit wondering if anything I've done in my past, anything I've said has been a mistake, one word comes to mind... Nah! Could I have done a few things differently. Yep, sure of course I'm not perfect. Though, I honestly feel, that deep down inside, no matter where they are right now. The people I love and care for and would do anything for, know this, always will, and always have. Maybe they just need to spend some time with a cancer patient. 

As Always, thanks for reading. 
-vin

praying for a while... be back later

if it weren't for my horse, if it weren't for my horse, if it weren't for my horse

nothin gonna come between me and my afro!

... it's gonna be a good day tater!

.... dream well!

ever get the feeling like you're being followed?

Baby Shit

I would like to ask you a question, when you smell a that warm scent fof



The nature of my job brings me to many peoples homes every day. Along with the various attitudes and sights, the one thing that's been standing out lately is the smells. I do NOT understand people sometimes. There homes smell like piss, wet dog, nasty cat litter, booze, glade air freshner. NOW, this is where i might tend to differ from a lot of people out there. I have noticed lately that a LOT of peoples homes smell like baby wipes! I don't mind them, I mean i have a daughter, and she did at one point shit her diaper and i had to wipe her tiny little tush clean with them. Though, what I do NOT understand is grown women who use them on EVERYTHING. I am going to let you in on a little hint here if you are one of the ones who do use em. KNOCK IT OFF!!! You know what people smell when they smell baby wipes? It is NOT the clean "fresh" scent that is advertised on the outside of the packaging. They smell baby SHIT! That is the only time you use them! Along with that smell of wet cloth soaking in mild irritant free soap, your nose smells nasty formula riddled baby shit! It's like going to McDonalds. I am sure everyone has their favorite food, meal, drink, or whatever. Though when you walk in what do you fucking think of ... uh.. Fries! ( ok ok ok shut up I know I'm going to get at least a few of you assholes saying .. Uh I don't eat the fries, I think of a Big Mac... ) Point is there are tons of things that you think of when you smell something. I think the majority of people tend to smell SHIT along with babywipes. WHY in god's name would you use them to clean everything up? They aren't really that good, bounty works better. Believe me, I actually used BOTH on my daughters little ass, and was pleasantly surprised with them! Ok so in closing, if you have to clean a small childs feces covered ass, go for the wipes. If it's a dining room table, use the pledge please! 

so in need of a vacation!

sleep.....brain off!

you tube my google and i'll facebook myspace

There jittery hands, are hard to slow tonight as I sit to type so I apologize to those who've asked for a new post .... 

 I've had a few too many thing happening lately to keep some in focus. One mainly being my blog. I've had a few posts here and there over the past month or so, but they've been minimal at best, and quite frankly my twitter tweets have been more up over the past week or so due to the ease of use. Now that i've got my ping.fm account agoin' it's hard NOT to keep a microblog. Which is kinda funny because that seems to be what everyone is interested in anyway. I find myself being asked about my status comments more than anything else on my page. Don't get me wrong I love social networking, I do.. I enjoy my blog, twitter, flickr, rejaw, last.fm, livejournal etc. accounts, but well you know how I feel about myspace ** see previous post ( myspacers that means on blogger).** Though do I think anyone actually gives a rats ass about what I write? Nah, not so much. Though I will tell you I find it entertaining when people read it and laugh, or find a phrase I write something they can relate to. 

 See I guess this has been my thing lately. There are sooooo many things out there with the social networks, blogs, microblogs, emails, ims texts, ezines it's hard to keep up. I know I shouldn't care. I mean really what do I care about the world reading my happenings as they happen? Though, I am sure there are a few who wouldn't mind to be able to check in on the daily doings of Vinny Capp and see whats up. I mean I know I'm not that interesting, but shit if you people will sit and watch “Rock of love” for an hour a week, SOMETHING I say/do has to be more entertaining. I don't know if this will go on the space or not. I tend to find myself saying things on my blog that might offend some of my fellow spacers, so I leave it be. I leave it here for the others to read, people who might stumble upon it waiting for me to say something inspiring or caring or loving or something to that effect. I don't know when that will come. I do know that one day though I am going to sit down and read all this shit and ask myself... “Self, what the FUCK were you doing writing this shit while you could have been out playing music, riding a bike, running, anything man?” Answer is, I need to get my thoughts out sometimes, they sit in here a little too long at times and I get worried that if they don't come out they may never come out. So tonight as I sit here with really nothing more to say than “I've got too many social networks” The fact of the matter is, it's yet tuesday again, and on tuesday nights I feel so much more lonely than I do any other moment of the week. Because right now, is the longest I have to wait for my daughter to come back, for the rest of the week. I know this took a different turn here, but well, it usually does at one point or another. I promise though... I will try to post a few more things up here, more frequently. I swear it! 

  =VIN=

trying to get as lucky as chopin...........

enjoying the beach .. while it's still here

when your kid asks for music while falling asleep instead of tv ... you know youre doing something right

why did i format my ipod :(

doing my second favorite thing to do in the rain!

And another one.....

Hey everyone time for another article from wwwclubdouble.com PLEASE check it out. Sorry for the recent lacking of blog posts. I have a few things to write about so over the next few days I'll have a LOT to write about!

http://clubdouble.com/columns/askaway/justafriend-3.html

Thanks